Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Impossible List

Last summer, Esquire magazine devoted an issue to the the impossible. It was full of articles on impossible things like the sky dive from space that red bull is sponsoring, or living with a house full of ants (you'll never get the idea of drinking a glass of water full of ants out of your head after hearing Tom Junod describe it. http://www.esquire.com/features/argentine-ant-control-0810), and how there is a point in every man's life when it becomes impossible to feel good about winning an argument with your father. So just to expand on that list, here are some things that are impossible.

It is impossible to listen to "low rider" by War without feeling like you're a pimp.

It is impossible to to find a job. And it is impossible to be rejected for a month and a half without taking it personally.

It's impossible to forget your first kiss.

It is impossible to get a dozen friends to agree on one restaurant for dinner.

Thanks to jeopardy, it is impossible to watch any trivia show and not shout the answers in the form of a question.

It's impossible to read "of mice and men" without loving Lenny, and crying at the end.

It's impossible to believe that Ozzy Osbourne is still alive, let alone still making music. Damn good music.

It's impossible to take Lady Gaga seriously in any form. You're not an artist, you're not cool, you're not modern. You're a moron.

It's impossible to think that there's ever going to be another movie made that isn't a sequel or in 3D. Seriously, what the fuck hollywood? We don't need another Ice Age or Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

It's impossible to stay off of Facebook. It sucks your soul straight through your face.

It's impossible to imagine life without a cell phone.

It's impossible to ever have as much fun as you did the first time you played with a slinkey.

It's impossible to be the coolest person you know. If you think you are... well there's your proof.

It's impossible to win the lottery.